We have these here in the states, but they’re called “Toffifay”.

Got it? Now hold on to your hats, kids. Prepare for something completely different!

“No… No. It can’t be! That’s not true! That’s impossible!”

It’s like I’m Luke, and these German fake Toffifays are Darth. In fact, it’s exactly like that. But these, very clearly, are the exact same thing, and ARE related. Unlike Darth, who was totally gaslighting Luke and turns out just to be a cagey uncle type who wants more time with him. Real time. No screens.

Toffifee, Toffifay. Same manufacturer, and they’ve been doing it forever. As long as I can remember, these have existed. But they always felt a bit high-falootin’ for me. Granted, I never was one to veer towards the chocolate side of the force, but I certainly have on many occasions. These just…border on Grandma candy to me. But now, getting these freshies directly from Germany…who was I to not re-investigate?

They come, all 15 of them, in a Grandma-like tray.

Kinda cool looking though. Like a…Hazelnut?

I honestly wouldn’t know, I’ve never seen one, but let’s say for a moment that this looks like one, or half of one. It would certainly be fitting, as this candy is a whole Hazelnut enshrouded-nay, enrobed in chocolate, with a scoshe-NAY, a dollop of chewy caramel all up in there as well. As if that wasn’t enough, they had to shove chocolate/hazelnut filling inside too, so I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE HAZELNUTS. Don’t even think about getting near these if you have any nut allergies to speak of.

These aren’t bad. When you first eat it, it’s a sort of basic chocolate covered nut eating experience. Afterwards, you get a little extra creamy Hazelnut action. And most interestingly, it finishes with the little amount of chewy caramel. It’s an interesting combination. I especially liked the chewiness of the finish.

But would I buy these? No. Just not my jam. For some reason I’ve honed in on Hazelnuts as public nut enemy #1, for no specific reason. I just don’t like them. My nut hierarchy looks something like this:

1. Macadamia
2. Peanuts
3. Almonds
4. Don’t really care about the rest.

I could however see this as a very good movie theater candy eating experience for those that dig Hazel. Ironically, I’ve never once in my life seen them for sale at the cinema, but they’re widely available at places like Target.

Life is weird, innit?

Click the link way down below for the best price on a 4 pack of these German freak shows. The truth is, if you like hazelnuts and chocolate you’ll probably adore these.  Most people must, because look how many SHIRTS are dedicated to this confection: