After hitting it out of the park with the seriously large gummy snakes my brother brought back from Australia for me, I really wasn’t expecting much from this bag of mixed  goods  from Cadbury.

The contents are listed as: Jelly worms, milk bottles, dinosaur lollies, Cadbury caramels, and tiny Freddo faces.  So many questions:

1.  I don’t understand what a “lolly” is.  Clearly, it’s not a lollipop like it is here in the states.  Is it a gummy?  Or just slang for candy?
2. Milk bottles: why?
3. Who/what is a “Freddo”?

I’ve never felt so out of the loop.Stranger in a strange land and all that.  But again, I had zero expectations, so I opened ‘er up and took a look-see.

Not bad to look at.  And here’s the headline:  this is good stuff.  Almost all of it.  Let’s start with the “gummies”.  The worms are described as jellies, but I’m pretty sure that all the colorful pieces in here are technically fruit jellies and not gummies.  They have that trademark smooth bite-through thing happening, and don’t have that shproingy resistance when you chew them-much silkier and smoother.  Yummy too.  Surprisingly deep flavors.

The caramels.  Oh caramel.  I really, really love you.  And these are no exception.  You can’t throw a rock where I’m from without hitting several “boutique” chocolate covered caramels that all probably have sea salt on them, and are likely at least $2 a pop.  I don’t have a problem with those, they’re usually quite good.  But all I need is some deese chocolate covering a semi chewy caramel-and these are that.  I really enjoyed them.

Milk bottles.  No.  Just…no.  I don’t understand the fascination with candy flavored like milk.  Milk?  What’s next, oatmeal? Why do we need this?  I know Japan is all in on this flavor, and I’m not trying to knock anyone’s preference, but it just isn’t for me, and never will be. Australia, up your game.  Milk is for breakfast.

The little weird chocolate cat faces or whatever the hell they are. Meh.  That’s apparently Freddo. Nothing to write home about, the chocolate is OK I guess, but eminently forgettable. Thus, I’m going to blindly write off Freddo, despite knowing almost nothing about him.  I do know that he’s the character on a popular line of children’s chocolates though.  That checks out, because kids will eat anything, even mediocre tiny pieces of chocolate-ESPECIALLY those, actually.

And there you have it.  These are a pretty damn good, an interesting variety of treats not to be written off so quickly (that’s a suggestion to myself, I’m trying to grow).  Oh and by the way: “lolly bag” simply refers to a bag of candy.  Hence, Dinosaur lollies must mean dinosaur candy right?  I’m worldly-and you’re gonna have to be too, if you want these.  I can’t find them online so just be sure to head to Sydney soon.  Shouldn’t be an issue right?