I’m sophomoric, have no discerning taste and have a Peter Pan complex.

That’s why I loves me dem Vines baby!

Every time I go to the Rite Aid-like Walgreens-Type store, I OLways consider a Vines buy. And I don’t care if they’re black or red or, as in today’s case, purple. To the chagrin of most, I like the black licorice ones best. I’m unapologetic about it too. Sorry Netherlands. Sorry Australia. I know you got good licorice and heck yeah I love it too – but good ol’ US of A black vines are simply incomparable. And when they’re old, and in an open package and fridged, all hard and impossible to bite into on first chew? They rock the party party.

When the genius candymakers at American Licorice Company sent me a box of grape vines, they already had 5 stars going in. Oh that isn’t fair you say?

Yeah. Neither is this:

And by BOX of grape vines, I mean like 15 packages. Might have been more. But the better half gave some away, I had to give some to Jonny and I would have given some to Scotty but I used the excuse that I don’t think he likes this kind of stuff that much and so I just ate the rest myself.

Truth be told, I had these before. Jonny picked some up and I went to town. So I’m not going into this review cold.

Strange thing is I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t like these a ton. That’s because these taste like purple, and it’s perfectly logical for today’s candy enthusiast to only want authentic, all natural, chardonnay-esque, only organic, non-fructose, raw cane grape candy. I feel you. But personally I love fake grape. Fake grape and me are like Barbie and Ken = well-proportioned, plastic as all get out, and incredibly attractive.

I think the American Licorice Company sent these packages to me right off the line. I swear to god they felt warm when I opened each package. And they were almost gooey. Which isn’t actually to my liking. Soft is nice for cookies out of the oven but I like my vines hard as a 12th grade calculus test, chewy-like-a-tire that gets you jawin’ all day long. So I cut a slit in the package, popped these puppies in the LG, gave them 2 hours of aging and I was good to go.

Right now, as I finish this review, and have no vines here next to me. I feel sad and a scant lonely. I better see if mom can give me a ride to the 5 and Dime.

By the way – since I was asked – supposedly you can buy them here at the Candy Cabinet. I saw a bunch of flavors…but no grape yet. Anyone else find these anywhere yet?