This is perhaps the weirdest candy review I’ve ever written.  I’m gonna pull back the curtain a bit and tell you why.

As you all might imagine, writing candy reviews is SUPER lucrative, financially speaking.  Hey, we thought that too.  But then reality kicked in and we realized that we never got into this for the money-we did it for the candy, much like Fred Durst did it for the Nookie.  And we still do, just like I’m hoping he still does.  If one could measure riches by how many pounds of free candy one has sitting around their house though, then we’d be near the top.

All this means that Matty & I have real day jobs.  I won’t discuss Matty’s, as it’s in the adult industry and could embarrass some-but me, I’m a sound editor.  I work on sound for movies. And the last big movie I worked on was…yep ….”Minions”.

I won’t bore you with the details, but I spent around 5 months of my life working my ass off on this movie-in fact, I just did some work on it yesterday (for a foreign language release) despite it being August and having been out in the states for over a month. Working on Minions  was an amazing experience.  Sure, I’ll never get the babble of Kevin, Stuart & Bob out of my head, but whatever.  As far as jobs go, mine’s pretty great.  So imagine my delight when my two worlds collided, and the delightful Picture Editor of the film, who happens to be British, sent me a care package chock full of Euro delights that we can’t get here yet (reviews on the rest to come).  Minions:

It’s Bob, yo.  He’s my favorite.  The baby of the group, he’s cute, stupid, and blissfully unaware of the dangers that face him in the film.  His Haribo variety, at leas the bag I got, is a classic Haribo gummy, with a few gummy/foam varieties thrown in for good measure.  I’m pretty sure all three bags-Bob, Stuart & Kevin-are the same kinds of treat, just shaped like that specific character.

Bob on the left, King Bob on the right.  SPOILER ALERT HE BECOMES THE KING OF ENGLAND!  How are you ever going to enjoy the deep, thoughtful subtext of the film now, you say?  That’s a great point, I’m not sure you’ll be able to.  No matter though, because now we’ve moved on to the candy part of this review.

Not the easiest candies to get great photos of.  Also, and this saddens me a bit, but they’re good.  Not great.  I mean, let’s face it, there’s around 50 varieties of Haribo that all basically taste the same, just with different shapes.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s also even more than 50 that are unique, different, and crazy.  Minions Haribo belong firmly in the first group, which doesn’t make them bad, it just makes them a bit same ‘ol same ‘ol.  But are they banana flavored you ask??  Great question.  Nope.  They should be, but they’re not.  They’re Haribo standard gummies flavors.  Bad choice, Haribo.  Seems to be a huge wasted opportunity.

I’m sure these will crop up at some point in the States, but even if they don’t…don’t worry about it, you’re not really missing too much.

I recommend the following: get your butt to a theater showing “Minions”, but have 2 strong shots of your favorite booze first.  Then it won’t matter what candy you choose, but honestly…I’d recommend my industry standard Red Vines & a soda.  Throw in some popcorn and you’ll be having a ball IF you’re:

4-10 years old

or

unable to determine quality cinema from mindless entertainment

or

just down for a good time

Good luck, and…banana.