A few weeks ago my friend went to Ireland in search of rest. Instead, I tasked him with scouring the shire, hills, or whatever the hell is there to find some quality candy. I had never (knowingly) had any candy from Ireland, but how bad could it be, right? And really, why should he have a relaxing vacation? There’s shit to do.
I’m not a huge fan of “roundup” reviews with a million things in them, so forgive me if I suck at it. There’s a lot to get to though, so let’s jump right in.
First up- the chocolate. Oh, the chocolate.
I got a few different bars made by a company called Wilton. In non-descript, ultra boring packaging, they all kind of looked the same to me. But I’m gonna lead off with a bang, people. Check this out- it’s quite simply the best candy bar I’ve ever had in my entire life:
The Klipso Bar:
Milk chocolate on top of the motherlode of caramel. Not gooey, soft, runny caramel, but chewy, hard, tough caramel.
This isn’t a bar you can eat in a few minutes. It literally takes a few minutes to chew down one bite. I think you actually LOSE weight eating it-it’s work! This is a basic concept of a candy bar, nothing fancy. It’s just the tastiest thing I’ve ever eaten.
Next up from Wilton, the Macaroon Bar:
This guy is milk chocolate covered toasted coconut:
Pretty good, but not great. I’m a huge coconut fan, so I was hoping for a bit more, but it’s still quite tasty. I think I was expecting soft coconut a la Mounds or Almond Joy. This is more subtle.
We’re not done with Wilton yet. As you can tell by now they put their money into candy manufacturing, not packaging. This one’s a bit better though, the Klipso Bits bar:
This one has chunks of toffee inside- and toffee is a good thing.
I guess the closest comparison in the States would be the Heath bar, but they’re really different beasts. This is much more about the chocolate, with accents of toffee, instead of the other way around. I liked this one a lot.
Let’s move on from chocolate for a moment. Bring the gummies.
No artificial colors or flavors-now we’re in my wheelhouse. The flavor selection was very interesting : black currant, pineapple, raspberry and apricot. That’s the good news.
You’ll notice some of the others have a creamy foam layer, but each flavor has a gummy without the foam.
The darkest one is the black currant. It is absolutely incredible. A really nice flavor, very natural tasting, it’s delish. Not as firm of a chew as I’d like, but delish just the same. That’s the end of the good news. The rest of the bag is pretty disgusting. The flavors just don’t pop, and worse, there’s a bland gooey “blah” taste to them. Of course my kid loves them.
Hey everyone! It’s Uncle Joe!
And he’s got minty balls! Best can ever, right? The candies actually aren’t bad either:
Nothing too special, just a mint oil “boiled sweet”, as they say across the pond. Pretty tasty!
Or are you more in the mood for a milky chew?
Ritchies’ Milky Mints. Sound hella weird to me. However, they’re a damn fine treat, like nothing I’ve ever tried before.
Minty, milky, chewy. Kinda firm, kinda soft…these are good. I could see having a bag of these on hand to go with my Klipso bar addiction. Which reminds me, let’s finish up the chocolate.
Feeling silly? Try the giggle bar!
This is almost the same thing as a Marathon bar or the Curly Wurly- chocolate covered gooey caramel:
Sorry for the weak photo. It’s the kind of bar you can pull apart, and the caramel pulls, getting looser and looser. It’s good, but for some reason I wasn’t really into this one. It just doesn’t have the taste factor that the other bars have going for them. Kind of plain. Plus, why eat THIS if you’re int he mood for caramel? Klipso that shit up, yo!
Don’t worry, we’re almost done. But first, check out this variety of chews:
The licorice toffee, Irish butter toffee and chocolate caramels are great. Just what you’d expect. I’m not a fan of orange and chocolate mixing together so I didn’t like the other two. If you dig that kind of thing, you’d find these yum as well.
Finally, we end with a classic European treat– “Allsorts” by Bassett’s:
This is a liquorice (as they spell it over there) mix. Akin to a “bridge mix” you might find here in the states. Lots of different kinds of flavor combinations:
The problem is, most of these combos are kinda gross. Orange, strawberry…just not tasty. However, the ones with chocolate are great, as are the coconut and that little speckled thing towards the bottom of the picture. If I could buy a bag of just those varieties, I”d have an extra few pounds of backfat. I mean, more than usual.
So class, what have we learned? First, Ireland comes strong to the party. They have some really interesting candies, some amazing chocolate bars, and some crap gummies, but no points off for them. Hopefully we’ll all be able to travel to Ireland and taste some of these for ourselves one day. But if not, this place has the most important item on the docket- The Klipso.
Thanks again to my pal. And to the rest of you: get out there, dammit! Go traveling! But be sure not to relax or sight see or anything ridiculous like that. Instead, scour the place for good candy. Do it for the kids. Kids named Rowan. Or Ewan.
Man, when my friends go traveling I don’t get squat. I may need new friends. And don’t forget about kids named Liam, or Eoin or Gawain.
FYI, NICE THUMB RING.
I want a Klipso.