I love reviewing candy but I’m wondering what the hell we’re actually offering here. Who’s readin this? And who’s thinking “I gotta get me sum a dat!” Maybe you, visiting Germandeli.com or Amazon looking for some bulk candy, and wondering ‘what do these actually taste like’ and then googling Haribo Saure Gurkins and following this link?

So my new thing with reviews is to offer tips (ok, let’s call them what they really are: links) on where to buy. Not just shiningly insightful prose. Oh no. From now on, you get really long urls that take you to Web pages asking for money. Gotta do my part for the ‘conomy an ‘merica.

And thus with my new charter we begin at the top.

Sour f-in Cherries!

Not to be confused with Twin Cherries.

And I like Twin Cherries. (Buy them here if you do too). I like the weirdly smooth texture. And they are kinda perfumey too – a fakey-cherry essence. I don’t want to smell it on the ladies, but in the mouth, it works. They are also big. You can cram one in your mouth easily enough; or you can actually bite off a piece and have a good sized chunk left for the next one. Plus, they have that Haribo fruit flavor only they know how to do.

But again – I really ain’t talking about the Twins. I’m talking about the Sours. Real sour cherries too. NOT to be confused (more confusion?) with the fake ones you buy at Amazon. I like these but I actually don’t love these and won’t buy these. Even though the consistency is lovely and obviously Haribo — hard as hell chewy. Aged like a fine red vine. You gotta work it out to get your enjoyment. BUT – they aint sour. UM Helllloooooo? Call me a traditionalist, but if the goddamn name says Sour Cherries, I think it’s my birthrite to get some pucker. PUT F-ING LEMON SUGAR ON THE OUTSIDE. Dammit. It’d be so easy. But the Amazon Sour Haribo Cherries have no real sourness. They taste like the Twins that someone dunked in water and dropped in a sugar bowl.

Wanna know what you do want? These!

Where we gonna get em though?!
Can’t find them in the US yet.
Have you?