We all know Sour Patch Kids, or SPKs, as I call them. Classic. Sour, sweet, soft yet chewy. They age like champs and are amazing when they’re stale as hell.

Recently I bought I gigantic sized 4th of July themed bag, as it had lemon in the mix (it was the ‘white’ in red, white & blue). Fantastic. Ate some last night at the movies.

So when I heard about the Sour Patch Kids Cola Bubbles I was like “aww heelll yeah lemme order a case.” But…I’m trying to be better about overloading candy in the house, so I waited. Waited till I saw them in the otherwise hellish trap of existence known as the Dallas Fort Worth airport.

While I wondered what the difference in flavor was going to be between the dark and light pieces, I was sure it would be a cola vs 7-Up/Sprite thing.

These are SMALL. Like…smaller than a raisin small. Oddly small. This threw me off. One of the things I love about SPKs is the size: they’re not huge, but there’s a good, solid bite there. These are pea-shaped. Also, they’re extremely soft. Way, WAY too soft.

Know what would have been better here? SPKs shaped normally, and flavored like cola.

And while we’re on the subject of flavor, let me answer the riddle of the dark vs. light pieces: There’s no difference in taste. At all. This is such a weird decision. Why even include the light ones? Are they supposed to be the fizzy bubbles? if so, make those super sour comparatively to the cola-colored bites. Do SOMEthing. Do we really have to do everyone else’s jobs for them?

While we don’t rate candies anymore, more of a pass/fail (I kinda miss the ratings if I’m being honest: do you?), if I were to rate these, they’d be a 2.5: Neither good nor bad. Worse, they’re unnecessary.

The thing is, even if you’re a SPK psycho, these aren’t going to do it for you. They’re not the same thing, they’re just “kinda” like them. If you need to taste for yourself, get em here. Let me know if you disagree and love them!