Yeah yeah yeah, you love Swedish fish. The lovely little sticky colorful fish. At least, they used to be colorful, right?

But now, they’re just…these. Red.

Why. Why are they only red now? Why do we, as citizens, accept this? Truly, did the people revolt against flavors, and insist JUST on the red ones? This world doesn’t make sense. Furthermore, why are they so mediocre?

I’ll tell you why: because they’re a shitty imitation of the real thing. I know this friends, because I’ve been to IKEA. Oh you have too? Then you must have bought some bulk candy before you walked out, and sampled their Swedish Fish.

No? Well sadly bulk anything is out these days. But in the meantime, I do have a solution. And that is real, authentic, Swedish fish from Malaco,

It needs to be said that there’s no “one” authentic Swedish Fish, as far as I can tell. And also, the ones at Ikea are definitely not this brand. Both are good, but these are my preference.

We have four flavors here: Berry, orange, pear and lemon. And they’re all great. More important though is the consistency. This is where these shine. They’re more akin to a wine gum than a “gummy”. You can bite through them, but they provide a nice, tough, long chew. They can be sort of sticky but not super sticky-they’re pretty perfect.

The real message here is that I want to get fans of the admittedly inferior American product to check these out. A wonderful online Scandinavian candy store has these regularly. Check out our link below-they have reasonable shipping and a fun selection. And no, we’re not getting a kickback: this is coming from the bottom of our cold hearts, just for you guys.

It’s been too long we’ve been living with the red mushy ones. It’s time to get authentic.