I quit eating “poison” a few months ago. That’s what Mrs. and Junior called Aspertame, Splenda and all other artificial sweeteners. Actually, it’s just what Mrs. Guru called them, which brainwashed the kid. Thanks!
So I quit, and frankly, don’t miss them too much. However, what’s a guy to do about gum chewing in this day & age? It used to be the case that sugar-free gum had ass (Artificial Sweeteners) in it, and all “normal” gums like Hubba Bubba, Bubbalicious, Big Red, etc, just used sugar. That’s not the case these days at all.
All sugar free gums include ass, and almost all sugared gums now include it too. Next time you’re in the market, for funs and stuff, pick up gum that isn’t sugar-free and look at the ingredients. Ass. Right there in front of your face. Lots of ass. Makes no sense to me at all, but what does?
Before we continue, I should mention that there’s a variety of gum sweetened only with Xylitol, which is in theory natural and not going to turn my brain into a persimmon when I’m 65. I won’t mention the brand I’ve tried, but suffice it to say that it’s not good. Tastes… a bit weird, but more importantly, it loses its flavor immediately. So what other options do we have?
Well hello, what’s this? Tree Hugger gum? Nothing artificial at all. No tricks. No substitues. No poisons…
Annnnnnd……..no flavor.
Sure, you pop it in your mouth and it’s ayeet, but….immediately, the flavor’s gone. Why? That part must have to do with the other non-sweeteners related yet artificial ingredients. Some of them must be responsible for elongating the flavor, or perhaps distributing it slowly. Dunno. What I do know is that there’s no way a human being could be satisfied with this gum unless….
…they’re 8 and don’t know any better! Yep, you guessed it. “Softball” Junior, when asked how he liked this gum said “it’s good!”. Sweet kid. Sweet, poor, pea-brained little sonofaguru doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. In this case however, it truly doesn’t matter, because HE’S the one who’s always clamoring for gum, not me.
While my confidence isn’t high that he continues to like Tree Hugger gum, I’m sure he’ll devour the bag. I’m thinking that the solution to this problem actually lies in looking towards the south. DEEP South. Talkin’ Mexico south. I have a sneaking suspicion that all the cheap gum they manufacture there still might only include sugar as sweetenerst. And we already know it’s inexpensive, so maybe I head on over to ye olde Mexican grocery store, buy a huge bag of Chiclets or mango flavored gum, and call the problem solved?
I don’t think I’ll be buying another bag of Tree Hugger though. If there’s one thing my Momma taught me, it’s that good is good and bad is not good. So there ya have it.
That picture of little guru is priceless. The gum sounds less than ideal though.