Go with me here, people. There was a time, not too long ago, when chewing gum was a marvelous wonderland of flavors. It seemed there was no end to what you could find, from Bubble Yum to Big League Chew, to Gatorgum or Quench….there was a lot out there.

Now though…it’s like we’re in prohibition. Did someone pass a law against having gum with sugar in it, or is it just me? Everything is sugar-free. Everything.

There was a great (albeit chain) retro candy store near my house a few years ago, and they had this amazing old cabinet unit with tons of tiny drawers in it: each one was holding a different variety of sugary gum. Now? The store’s friggin’ gone, people.

I guess I don’t understand the logic here: we can’t have sugar gum, but we can load up sugar in every other food product we peddle to Americans? I’m looking at you, chips, soups, frozen foods, and tons of other crap that has no business having sugar in it.

The highlights for me were the ones I mentioned above. I miss Gatorgum dearly: it was a thirst quenching gum that was so sour and beautiful…honestly, it was likely the first sour sweet I ever had. And don’t get me started on Big League Chew. It still exists, and is amazing. A satchel, meant to mimic the look of chewing tobacco, to serve as a (much) healthier alternative for the kids. Let me tell ya: they nailed it. Their flavors just were perfect and I loved the stringy texture.

And this brings me to my review. I have to review something, right? Let’s check out Trident Vibes spearmint.

Just kidding. That’s the friggin’ problem! How am I gonna review yet another mint gum?! Who cares? Wintergreen, Spearmint, Peppermint, Sweet Mint, Stupid Mint, Peppermint Twist-I mean people, please. I don’t do that here. I’m upgrading to Sour Berry Twist.

I’ve vibed with the Trident Vibes before and what can I say? It was sugar-free mint gum. At least this one says it’s sour. Something different.

Sour gum is tricky. The flavor never lasts. Of course, these couldn’t possibly be an exception to that rule, could they?

The little square pieces have a bit of crunch to them, which is fun. And the flavor’s good: you definitely taste berries, and the lime is also clear, which is shocking. But..within 2 minutes the flavor started to fade, and I set a stopwatch to see how long it would be till it was gone.

The good news is that the “faded” level of flavor stayed the same. So you get a big flavor rush at the beginning, and then like most gum, it ratchets down, but unlike a lot of others, it stays constant at that level, which is cool. I gave up after around 15 minutes (chewing gum in a facemask isn’t my favorite), but I think I can safely say that the flavor lasts a while.

Is this gum great? No. But at least it’s more fun and flavorful than the 39 varieties of mint gums I can reach for. Not that I hate mint gum, mind you: it’s just hard enough to call this sour berry twist gum candy.

So..what DID happen to gum? If anyone knows, please educate me in the comments. Also, if anyone has a lead on black market Gatorgum (don’t care if it’s 200 years expired) holla at me.